zFabulous! A Hip Canadian Mom Blog

Of mullet sized proportions...

Not long ago, i discussed my little boy. my little boy who wants his hair to be, well, not so little. Well, that hair is starting to grow. only more in some places and less in others.

Last night during my favorite time of night...right before Isabella's bedtime...i took some shots. Bella and i goofed around with her pacis...DOUBLE STUFFED

(i adore her toddler hands. they still have some chub to them...but i can see her slender young girl digits starting to poke through.)

while Josh did research. He was so excited to tell me that his new Xbox game ...the Star Wars Lego one is out on Wednesday and i better haul tail to the store to pick it up for him. He was also researching all the games he wants for the Wii. (i should have been annoyed with him but i was so proud of a) his research skills and b) how happy he is about having the Wii. he really is my son!)

so, in the front it still looks pretty short. It's growing...but not rapidly.

but the back, people! the back!

the boy is the poster boy for business in front, party in back.

(also, he has gorgeous hair. again, he IS my son)

it's monday...

Mondays usually start the same way for me.

I'm tired. Isabella is still NOT sleeping. We try to talk to her to find out what's up, but, seriously folks, she's 2. her answer is always the same "i no like to sleep anymore." and then she says that and i hug her and smile because she's way too cute for words (also, one night this week we were in the car and she says, "it's kind of dark outside" kind of. she's 2. and she's awesome. even if she doesn't sleep. at all.)

I'm fat. I eat so well during the week. really, really well. and, as some of you know, i'm off candy until Wednesday. it was a Halloween experiment. i count calories. i do pilates. i try to use the treadmill when i have the time. but the weekends KILL me. i do things like eat Jack and Ilana's chinese leftovers because a) my lunch was shitty and b) who can say no to chinese leftovers? on sunday mornings we go out, as a family, for breakfast. it's one of my favorite things to do. but, of course, it's not diet friendly. on sunday nights we go out to eat with our friends. and we drink. certainly not diet friendly. (and we aren't even going to talk about what percentage of Josh's birthday cake i singlehandedly forked straight into my gullet...because it's not pretty)

(say hello to my double chin!!)

I'm swamped. it's usually on Mondays where i come into work and some sort of tragedy has happened over the weekend. this week, i lost a read aloud book in grade 5 - due to a snooty little publishers whose name will remain nameless - and now i have to replace it. so, i will be reading reading reading for the next little while. and i'll be spending my days and nights with my good friend Vaughan Public Library.

i'm caffeinated. Monday mornings start with a GIANT coffee.

i'm in research mode. my ideas all fester over the weekend and I get to work on making them happen. i am determined to get myself a wii before they are completely gone from the planet. I am determined to find us the perfect vacation spot (we are heavily thinking Saint Lucia). I am determined to find us the perfect house (no...since i know you'll all ask, we aren't moving. yet. we are just thinking about it. but i'm researching neighborhoods and prices etc. it's a big job to think about). I am determined to get us the perfect vacuum. because y'all, our vacuum is TAPED together. i'm not even kidding. we got it as a gift, for our WEDDING, almost 10 years ago.

i'm excited. on mondays i meet Tova for coffee after work. and even though i see her the night before, and the night before that, and usually the night before that....it's just a nice little break. no kids. no husbands. (now if only we could convince Ilana to join us....it would be perfection)

what about you? what are you mondays like???

Hot Topic Friday: It's official; am old

The boy is 5 today.

5.

he came into this world - surprise! - 20 months after his sister. and he was a big ole' bald melonhead.

(holy dark hair, Ali!)

Josh at 5 is a pretty awesome kid.

He is by far my best sleeper and by far my worst eater. but give him a pound of chicken wings and he'll go to town. or steak. yes, he's all boy, my child.

He is a superhero, a power ranger, a transformer.

He is a lego-maniac. and a Star Wars freak. He loves Webkinz and Xbox.

and is a master of the one-liner. some of his greatest hits:

#1:

"Wanna know something weird? My knee-pit stinks!"

#2:

Josh: Daddy, Britney Spears died.

Husband: No, she didn’t, Josh.

Josh: oh right, that was Moses (yes, that Moses. from the bible. because the two are so easily confused)

#3 (on the airplane):

“daddy! i just farted in my own face!”

#4:

husband: Josh, please don’t knee me in the balls, thanks.

emily, giggling: Daddy, what are balls? (giggle, giggle)

husband: they are the things underneath your penis.

josh: no, Daddy, those aren’t balls. they are poisonous beans.

#5:

Josh: Daddy, I will be Luke Skywalker. Who will you be?

Daddy: I’ll be Obi-Wan Kenobi

Josh: Okay, but if you see Darth Vader, don’t kill him….cuz he’s my dad.

i seriously could go all day with these...

Happy Birthday Joshua! :)

the mouths of babes #451 - The Emily Edition

because everyone thinks my kids are hilarious**

Last night i was cuddling with Emily in my bed. It's one of my most favorite things to do. I'm always cold and she's always hot, so we are a perfect cuddling match. She's like my very own hot water bottle. So, she's lying with me and then looks down (at her privates, possibly) and says "Now that's enough out of you!!" and goes back to watching tv with me. The OC, but, shh, don't tell. a couple minutes later she does it again. looks down and says "i told you to stop!"

"emma, what're you doing?"

"Mommy, my stomach is way too loud. I can't hear myself think!"

hahahaha.

then, later in the conversation she says.

"Mommy, is it okay if i get a job? I really want one. "

"Where do you want to work, babe?"

"I was thinking Tim Hortons. That way i can get you free coffee"

what a wiener!!

**wait, what? it's only me??

anti-sleep

Isabella has become the anti-sleep.

(which is like the anti-christ of big girl beds)

she hates her bed.

actually, that's not true. she loves her bed. she loves to jump on it. and read books in it (her new favorites are Franklin books.) and cuddle with her mommy and her blankets. she loves to play with her dolls in it. (all her dolls are called "Molly". weird, i realize, but funny at the same time)

she just doesn't like to sleep in it. for more than 20 minutes at a time.

which, if you are doing the math, means that i'm up, pretty much all night.

it's like having a newborn again.

actually, it's worse, since i can't just stick my boob in her mouth. (i mean, i guess technically i could, but um, it wouldn't exactly bear the same results, and, erm, it would be all kinds of strange.) what i mean is, i have no way to pacify her to get her to go back to sleep. i go into her room. put her back in bed.

and then she kicks and screams.

until i leave. sometimes she goes quiet. sometimes she laughs. mostly she just kicks and screams some more.

i refuse to bring her into my bed (at least not until 6am)..because that's a habit i don't want to start and have to break her of later on. also, she doesn't actually sleep in my bed...she just watches Dora and Diego and Wonderpets.

please tell me i'm not the only one who is kicking herself for switching her toddler to a big girl bed???!!!

(also...i'm accepting tips of any kind. the monetary kind will work, of course, but mostly i'm looking for some suggestions as to how to get my kid to love her bed again. we had a great three days there in the beginning...)

Hot Topic Friday: That Smells!!

Have you ever walked into this store??

well, once you get past the half-naked stunning door greeters and the herds of people and the loud music...there's a smell.

mmm...a smell. smells like, well, sex. at least to me.

so, i bought it. in case you are wondering, the smell of the store is called Fierce. and i wear it. every single day.

there's just one little snag

have you figured it out yet???

it's COLOGNE.

which means, it's, um, for MEN.

but i really don't care. I really don't think that i smell overly MANLY. The poor Vera Wang i've been wearing for 4 years has been sitting, unused, since i started wearing the fierce. sure, the smell is purty, but it's not SEXY.

According to recent studies...pumpkin pie is the most arousing smell for men, followed closely by cinnamon buns and doughnuts. so, it seems that men want their women to smell like bakeries. not like male abercombie and fitch models.

or there's even a spray:

you can even buy spray that smells like sushi.

maybe it's not his heart we get to through his stomach, maybe it's his loins.

rawr.

come on come on come on now touch me baby...

i'm a little bit of a gadget freak. it's starts small, like with toothbrushes, and ends big, like with 72 inch tvs. strollers, cameras, ipods, kitchen knives, flash drives, remotes, laptops, cell phones, mixmasters, video game systems. i'm all over them like white on rice

(ps. what does that even mean, really? white on rice? because rice is white? huh? school buses are yellow. no one goes around saying "i'm on you like yellow on buses")

some of the gadgets i have (mostly because i drive the husband crazy until he caves, or i find a great deal on ebay). some i only wish i had.

meet my newest obsession - The iTouch

she's a real beauty, isn't she??

here's why i NEED her. she plays mp3s. but she also has internet. which means i can check my email. and it's wi-fi, which means i don't need to be on a program (programs scare the husband...this is the reason why he won't let me have a blackberry. more than being afraid of becoming a blackberry widower...he's worried about the program. the dollar signs)

currently, i own two ipods. a shuffle. and a 20gb 4th generation piece of crap. currently, i'm getting an 80gb new ipod for Chrismukah (but don't tell, i'm not supposed to know) and another shuffle from a photo agency that is rewarding me with gifts (ps. i love this photoagency. photoshot. love love love. i want to marry it). i know. it's ipod-alooza for me.

hmmm...anyone want to trade?? i'll give you all 4 for a new touch...

...and Mr. Hyde

It started with a nap. (or an attempt at a nap)

and it ended with another painting adventure. and poo.

"mommy. i paint!"

she did, in fact. she painted herself. her carpet. her toys. her books. *

with poo. **

on purpose. the little shit. literally.

and guess who got the pleasure of cleaning that up...because a certain spouse was out cleaning the garage?!! (i can't possibly help you, Ali, my hands are dirty. and what exactly do you think my hands are?? )

how does a child go from being the cutest little thing in the world, to being, well, not?!!

i realize, yes, that she's two. she's a terrible two. she's supposed to make trouble.

but how can i child with a face like this turn into a devil on wheels the minute she's put to bed????!!!

*and i'm pretty sure she put her hands in her mouth too...

** and i'm pretty sure i need to move now.

for the Dr. Jekyll - and much cleaner - portion of this story, please come on over to Cheaper Than Therapy. for some cute pictures. and video!

Hot Topic Friday: Post-Baby Bodies

It took me 6 months to lose the 24 pounds i gained after having Emily.

It took me 9 months to lose the 24 pounds i gained after having Joshie.

It took me, well, we're still trying to fight the post-Isabella baby weight. and she's 2.

I have friends who were back into their pre-pregnancy clothing within a week of having their babies. a week after i had my babies, i still looked pregnant. I have friends who were back at the gym within weeks of having their babies. Gym? what's a gym? I have friends who were dieting and watching every single thing that went into their post-partum mouths. not me. i was drinking milkshakes and still eating like a pregnant person for at least 6 weeks after giving birth.

but don't think this little gym-less, heifer-y eating, chubby stage was a happy one for me.

oh no, friends. It was horrible. I felt gigantic. and like a failure...because my clothes were sitting on the shelf, mocking me, as i put on my yoga pants and baggy t-shirt.

society puts so much pressure on women to lose the weight. Celebrity moms are setting the bar just too high. normal women can't keep up. We see pictures like

Denise Richards, two months postpartum:

Jaime Pressley, two months postpartum:

Brooke Burke, two months postpartum:

i didn't even get out in front of the camera until Isabella was 4 months old...

and even then, Isabella and i were sporting matching chubby cheeks and double chins.

but if i took a step back and stopped looking at the stupid celebs, i would be able to admit that i looked pretty damn good four months after having my third baby in 5 years.

damn good.

but i'd never be able to see that. because i see the Denises and Heidi Klums and Kelly Ripas. And there were so many more important things to worry about during those first few months...sleep issues. nursing issues. sibling issues. weight should be the last thing on our minds...

...but because we see the scrutinizing pictures in the magazines...the ones that praise the celebs who lose quickly and the ones that put down the ones who don't lose as quickly.

and somehow, that's the first thing on our minds.

Al Gore totally hates me

i have basically come to the realization that i'm not very good at this whole "green" thing.

seriously y'all, i suck.

yes, i use my green bin in the kitchen (aka "the stink box") and i use my blue bins (we have one on each floor and a giant one in the garage).

yes, i turn my computer off at night. and try not to print things unless they absolutely need printing. and i try to make my copies double-sided.

yes, we use compact flourescent light bulbs. and rechargeable batteries. and turn the water off while brushing my teeth.

but that's pretty much where my green abilities stop.

i am trying so hard to get used to this mug thing. i promise. i'm trying. My office gave out a mug to each employee for use in the cafeteria. $.80 for a coffee if you use your mug. so, of course, i tried it. but, alas, the coffee gets cold after about 30 seconds. and i'm saving no money, really, since the mug is about half the size of the disposable cup...so i'm buying two...and then it's actually more expensive. 80x80= $1.60....which is more than the $1.25 i was spending before.

also...because i'm constantly washing the mug out...my coffee has this slight palmolive aftertaste.

i'm thinking that i may have to give up the whole mug idea.

i sit in meetings at work. and listen to people talk about using hankerchiefs instead of tissues. and i perish the thought. blowing your nose into a cloth and carrying it around all day??? is anyone else replused by this idea? and if i'm at a restaurant that doesn't have a green bin...i don't take my greenbin-ables home with me. i toss them. oh, and also...that whole only flush the toilet when it's #2 thing??? seriously?

i feel like i'm the worst "green" person alive. i'm, like, yellow.