She's All Boy

It was an unseasonably warm, sunny spring day, and my daughter had just been dismissed from morning Kindergarten. Almost all the children ran to the playground together, horsing around, playing tag, climbing on the monkey bars. My daughter and one little boy ran off together to play. I chatted with a few of the other moms. Then, my daughter and her friend came running back towards us asking if they could go to each other's house for a playdate. Smiling, I turned to the other mom and said, "I've been promising her for weeks now to schedule a playdate..." She laughed. I persisted, "maybe he can come over after school one day next week". Her response: "well, I don't know what they would play. He's all boy".

I'll admit - I was taken aback. The two kids seemed to me to be finding plenty of things to play, and right in front of our noses! Also, inter-gender play is quite common with this group of Kindergarteners. I see lots of boys going to girls' houses after school and vice-versa. While volunteering in the classroom, I have repeatedly seen my daughter and this boy seek each other out during playtime. And, most importantly, it was the two children who initiated the playdate request. Instead of saying one of these logical things, though, I let the schoolyard mentality influence me. "You don't understand", I quipped, "she's all boy too!" This was greeted by indulgent laughter, so I elaborated. My daughter's favourite things are, in order: dinosaurs, sharks, lizards, green tree frogs and all other animals. She does not own a single Barbie. She hates Princesses. She does not own any dolls. I don't take her shopping for clothes anymore, since she wants to go straight to the boy's section and buy shirts with dinosaurs & sharks on them. In fact, in an act of cosmic irony, the little guy in question was wearing a shark t-shirt that my daughter also owns and wore to school only the week before!

But I digress - I guess my real issue with this whole situation (putting aside my less than noble reaction to being rebuffed on the schoolyard) is the thought that we should censor our children's choice of playmates. If the mom had balked at sending her son to a home she had not visited herself, I would understand and respect her concern and involvement. But to suggest that they shouldn't play together because he's "all boy" and she's a girl and therefore they haven't got enough in common - that's what concerns me. I know all too well that the days when boys and girls will play together happily despite their gender differences are precious and short. In all likelihood, this ability to engage in unselfconscious play will only last a few more months, until around the age of six and the advent of grade one.

As it is, I've decided to leave the ball in her court. Hopefully her son will ask her for playdates with my daughter and she can make the next move - she knows we're willing. I still can't help feeling a little down about it though. And I'm just not sure what to say when my daughter asks me again, "when can we have a playdate with him?"

Kath is mom to two girls, aged 5 and (nearly) 3. She is a regular contributor and the urbanmoms.ca Calgary team member. We'd love to hear from you - do you have any opinions, advice or similar stories? Click on comments to share, open up a thread in the urbanmoms.ca forum, or email Kath.

Comments

[Jen]

Kath,

That is really too bad! My son, 6, who is ALL boy and loves sports and potty talk more than anything has a weekly standing playdate with a "girly girl", also 6. They look forward to their time together and manage, quite easily, to find common ground. They know that their interests differ but enjoy the change of pace.

Sweetly, they have discussed the fact that they may some day get married. My son, a true pragmatist, advises that they will both meet many more people before they make this decision. The little girl just smiles and tells my son "I love you". He says "I love you too" and they go back to playing.

This is so different than the rough and tumble play with other boys! What value there is in a child having the opportunity to play with many different people.

Thanks for sharing, Kath.