zCanadian Urban Parents

Beginning Readers - Setting them up for success

How wonderful it is to be able to share thoughts, memories and advice through the written language. We know what a gift it is to be a competent reader and writer but, it is more difficult to appreciate or even remember the effort and direction it took to get to this point.  Revisiting the world of the beginning reader is a good place to start when we are trying to best support our children make the transition into literacy learning. Beginning readers typically refers to kindergartners or first graders although some will be second and third graders.

To best assist our beginning readers, let’s first consider what early behaviours skillful readers have under control.  These are the early skills which we can be talking about with our young readers every time we read together.

• Book handling
• Notion of beginning and ending;  top and bottom

Understanding that:
• Stories make sense
• Print contains the message
• Pictures match the story
• Letters make up words/ words make up sentences (what is a letter/ a word)
• Left to right directionality (across page and within the word)
• Punctuation is part of the “code”(Capitol; . at end of sentence; !; ?)

Because we all read to our children and talk to them about books, we may too often be assuming that the child has these concepts under control before they do. We begin to expect that children will take on our higher level “teaching’ before they have flexibility with these early behaviours.  To best support our beginning readers, talk about these concepts with them in a casual yet clear way to encourage mastery of these early strategies every time you read together. 

With these early behaviours under control, the beginning reader’s attention is freed up to notice the details of print, story and language and to begin to develop effective problem solving strategies. This transition to literacy learning requires a complicated coordination of skills on the part of the child.  Many researchers have dedicated their careers to this area of literacy development. Reading theory is a highly controversial area. I do not wish to make this about the theory of reading but rather about how to support our young readers. I am going to offer a very simplified view of the reading process.  In my experience the following information can help you support your child to use what he knows to learn more about reading and writing each time he reads or writes.  The goal is making the experience fun and successful for the child.

A child who experiences success and enjoyment with reading will be empowered to become a competent reader.  We can support them along the path by helping direct their attention to the information needed to efficiently solve new words and get meaning from the text.

There are three main sources from which the reader can search for and use information to problem solve on text: 

• Information from Meaning: including background knowledge and understandings of the world around us; information from the story and picture clues. We can prompt the reader to search for and use this information when we ask: Does that make sense? Or Try that again and think about what would make sense?

• Visual Information: including information from the letters, letter clusters, sounds which are associated with them (phonics), words, word forms and punctuation. We can prompt the reader to search for and use information from visual sources by asking: Does that look right?/ Does what you just said look like the word in the story?  Or Try that again and think about what would look right?

• Information from Language Structure: including knowledge of how our language sounds, grammar rules and structural cues which lie in the text. We can prompt the reader to search for and use information from language structure by asking: Does  that sound right?  Or Try that again and think about what would sound right?

Simply stated, reading makes sense, reading looks right and reading sounds right.

Using a clear, consistent language with our beginning readers about how to problem solve new words on text will assist them with internalizing an effective strategic language. Supporting our beginning readers this way encourages and empowers them to make a well guided attempt when faced with new words.

As parents, we can model how we problem solve and check that what we read indeed matches the text.  Using the same clear language as suggested above will help clarify and reinforce effective strategies that the child can use.  Also key to success is honouring the readers attempts- correct or not.  Praising them for what they did do correctly (even if it is simply the fact that they made an attempt.) and then shaping their use of information to quickly solve new words.

For example, if a child reads sand for beach we might say: “What you read makes sense but sand starts with s and this word starts with b.  Let’s try that again and think about what would make sense and look right.”  You will most likely have to help them search for more visual information beyond the first letter to solve the new word.  It is always helpful to reinforce the strategic behaviour just used: “Yes, beach makes sense and looks right. Let’s check it: I like to play on the BEACH (repeating the sentence to check meaning and saying the word slowly and smoothly to check for sound letter association).

By teaching and modeling for our beginning readers that there are many ways to solve new words and many ways to check attempts we are setting them up for success. The more successful reading experiences the child has, the easier learning to read becomes.

Britta is a Toronto mom with two sons aged 2 and 4.  She is currently on leave from the Toronto Board where she worked in Early Literacy so that she can be at home with her two boys.  She has worked in literacy education for over ten years and is keen to share some of her insights into what we can do at home to encourage our children along the path to becoming competent readers and writers. 

LOOKING BACK

By Sarah Chana Radcliffe

Not too long ago (actually, 3months, 7 days and 10 hours ago – but who’s counting?) I had the enormous pleasure of being my daughter’s labour coach for her first baby – my first grandchild. What an emotional experience! As I breathed with her and massaged her forehead, fingers and toes, I reviewed our life together as mother and daughter, my journey with her, my first child. It seemed like yesterday that I was giving birth to her and now, here we were, bringing forth the next generation.

In the next days and weeks there was much excitement and a rush of questions. My daughter wanted to know the mechanics of nursing, bathing, sleeping, soothing – all the details of life with a baby. She turned to me – the “expert.” She knew that I would have all the answers, having raised six of my own children and being a professional parenting advisor as well. It was odd for both of us that my most common answer to her questions was “I forget.”

I was amazed, actually, to discover how much I forgot. How was that possible? For fifteen years straight I had nursed my babies, carried them, slept with them, been a virtual mother-earth. I never left them; I worked with them on my lap, did housework with them on my back. I traveled with them and even brought them to my parenting lectures and tours. How could I “forget” the details of our life together? Why didn’t I remember whether I burped them after each feeding or whether I laid them on their bellies or their backs? During those years I had lived and breathed babies in a seamless trance. And as they grew into toddlers, children and teenagers, my life was a whirlwind of childrearing details. But now, it seems, I forget.

So I asked my children (all teenagers and adults now), “do you remember anything from your early years? Do you remember how I took you to the beach, the park, read you bedtime stories, made you cookies (some of my efforts were starting to come back to me as I asked them…) or in a thousand other ways nurtured and loved you?”

“Not really,” they said. Each one had a memory here and there of a happy time, but most of it was a blank. “Wow!” I said. “What was the point of all those things I did for you if you don’t even remember?” I was beginning to get depressed. But the kids explained that all of those experiences made them into who they are today and we enjoyed a philosophical discussion of the benefits of showing kids love. And then it happened.

They began to remember. Not the good things, mind you. They began to talk about the times my husband and I disciplined them inappropriately. “Oh I remember when you slapped me for screaming at you,” my seventeen-year-old piped up. “I’m sorry,” I said, “I must have been deranged. We don’t believe in that sort of treatment. It’s abusive.” (I wondered what was wrong with me and began to feel sick to my stomach.) “Ya, I remember when you said I was ‘disgusting’” another one exclaimed. “Yes, that was a terrible mistake. Please forgive me. You know that I think name-calling is completely unacceptable.” (I see I’ve destroyed my children’s lives. Why did we ever start this conversation?) Each one seemed eager to discuss these painful, awful memories.

Mind you, each kid had one or two such stories to tell. Six kids, however, gives easy access to a dozen bad stories. I was feeling like the parenting failure of the century until I reminded myself that these memories were rare, isolated errors occurring over twenty-six years of fifty-two weeks of twenty-four hour parenting six children. This means, that there were zillions of positive seconds, minutes and hours happening over this time period – very few of which were consciously noted by any of us. What stood out were the bad times.

Now if these few bad times made such an impression, what must it be like when there are hundreds, thousands or more of them in the two decades of childhood? What happens when a parent yells at a child every morning? What happens when insults are rampant? What happens when every meal, homework hour and bedtime is contentious? Obviously, a mountain of negativity must yield a mountain of emotional trauma.

Because we’re human, we’ll make parenting mistakes. If they’re the exception rather than the daily rule, our kids will most likely turn out solid and our relationships with them will likely remain positive for a lifetime. But it is important for us to realize that bad moments in parenting can – unfair as this may seem – stay with kids forever. Thankfully, we’re able to do better jobs as parents now. As a culture, we’re more sophisticated about parenting than we were even ten years ago. Most of us never hit our kids now and many of us are careful not to use derogatory labels or other types of verbal abuse. But a lot of us are still yelling regularly. This, too, has to give way to more respectful communication.

The discussion of childhood memories soon ended and the kids started drifting off to their evening’s activities. My fifteen-year-old turned to me compassionately and offered, “Hey Mom, maybe if you would have mistreated us all day, then we would have remembered the rare good times!” We laughed together. But when they all left and I was alone again, I became somber and pensive. How easy it is to hurt our kids. Our parenting moments are scripted with indelible ink and the bad ones are lined up at the top of the page. Sometimes, silence is golden. We have to think before every word we speak. There will still be mistakes and regrets, but we can minimize those if we put our minds and hearts to it. Let’s do it for the sake of our children. Let’s let the love shine through.

Sarah Chana Radcliffe is a mother of six and grandmother of one. She has a private practice in marital, family and individual counseling and has been conducting parenting workshops, lectures and seminars locally and internationally for more than 25 years. Her book, Raise Your Kids Without Raising Your Voice will be featured soon on urbanmoms.ca.  For more information about Sarah and her book please visit www.sarahchanaradcliffe.ca.

Urbandad - Stay at Home Dad

In the beginning, my life followed a pretty predictable path.  I finished school, went to University, got a job, got married and got a promotion.  Life was looking good.  Then, everything changed when, after 6 years of marriage, our twin daughters were born. 

At the time, I was working in a senior management position at a mid-sized firm and I was putting in some ridiculous hours at the office.  Even while my wife was being admitted to the hospital, scared she was going to lose the babies, I was finishing up the final stages of a presentation for a big client.  When I finally arrived at the hospital in the wee hours of the morning I was stunned to see my wife being consoled by her mother and the attending nurse.  My daughters were in danger and I had not yet grasped the magnitude of the situation.   

The girls were born almost 8 weeks early.  Both were very small and their lungs were underdeveloped.  The doctors were concerned, especially about the smaller of the two.  She was not feeding well and therefore, she was not gaining weight.  On someone this small, a few ounces can mean the difference between life and death.  My wife was pumping milk and the nurses would feed the babies through a tube as they were too weak and small to suckle.

Suddenly, my life made no sense to me.  As my girls fought for their lives, my colleagues were calling me about work.  The first time this happened was just hours after the girls were born.  I was in a panic as they quickly whisked the babies to the intensive care nursery so I was encouraged to step out for a few minutes, get a bite and compose myself so that I could be strong for my wife.  As soon as I was outside, my phone rang and it was my boss.  He was wondering whether I could sneak away for a few hours for a brainstorming session on some new business.  I froze.  Why would I do that?!  In that instant everything changed.  I had a moment of shear clarity.  None of that matters, this is what is important.  When I told my wife, we just looked at each other and I knew I couldn't go back.

It took a few weeks for the girls to stabilize and for me to get up the courage to tell my boss I was leaving.  We had developed a plan for me to do freelance work from home.  This would enable me to spend more time with the girls and my wife and eventually, if all went well, my wife would return to her job as an accountant and I would be the primary caregiver and take jobs here and there.

Seven years and two more kids later our plan has become a way of life.  At first, when my wife returned to work and I was at home with two 6 month olds I didn't think I would survive.  The girls were still nursing and just starting to eat baby food.  Up until that first day, my wife had been the primary caregiver and I was petrified. 

I was also lonely.  I was the only dad  I knew at home at the time and my friends thought I was crazy or that I was somehow a threat to the masculinity of all mankind.  I didn't feel comfortable joining the mother's groups so I spent a lot of time at the park or taking walks.  Then I got in a groove and over the next few years I met many dads on paternity leave, working part-time or flex hours, or staying at home full-time in order to spend more time with their kids.  I also met a lot of great moms.  Once I got over my fear of being different I made some wonderful friendships and so did my kids.

With our last child, the only boy of the bunch, my wife is taking the full maternity leave.  This allows our family a whole year together.  It was perfect timing too as the twins were just starting grade 1 and our other daughter was starting JK.  But now, I am preparing to be on my own again.  In a few months I'll be coordinating playdates and camps, wiping bums and noses, fixing lunches and snacks while balancing a steady home based business. 

I am glad I chose to break from the status quo and spend my days as a stay-at-home dad.  It hasn't always been easy and often it is bloody hard but it has been far more rewarding than any other job I have ever had.

Urbandad posts are contributed by different dads from all over the country.  These dads are invovled parents and consider their families their top priority.  How they do this is as varied as they are!  Stay tuned for more posts by urbandad.  If you or someone you know would like to contribute an urbandad post, please email urbandad@urbanmoms.ca.