zCanadian Urban Parents

Homework - What to do when...

Your child is doing too much homework:
School Boards across North America generally agree on the same standards for homework: 10 minutes per grade (10 minutes in grade one, 30 minutes in grade three, etc.)  If your child is doing significantly more homework than the recommended times there may be several different reasons.  Your child may be struggling with the work, or may have difficulty focusing and working productively.  Alternatively, the teacher may be assigning too much homework.  What to do? First, try to avoid schoolyard discussions about the issue.  Try to ascertain the reasons your child is spending so much time on their homework.  Once you have figured this out, approach the teacher and let them know how much time your child is spending every night.  He or she may have some suggestions or modifications. 

The ideal solution would be for the parent and teacher to work together to devise a plan. If you are not getting help from the teacher, then you as a parent must make some decisions.  If you decide that your child should not be doing all of the homework, discuss it with your child, the reasons why and the consequences of not doing homework.  For most students the biggest consequence will be a negative comment on the report card.  While it is always possible to take issues further – you could tell the teacher that you would like a meeting that includes the principal - you must always be wary of carrying an issue like this too far.  Having a reputation around the office can have a much greater impact than a report card comment.  Remember, all children in that class receive the same homework.  If your child is truly struggling, focus on this as the issue, not the homework.

Keep in mind, it often takes you and your child the first few months to get in the routine so give yourselves some time to adjust!

Too little homework:
Some homework should always be assigned, but remember that reading a book counts as homework!!  As a primary teacher I don’t assign any other homework until well into the fall and when I do assign homework it is flexible, directly related to learning outcomes and places an emphasis on student responsibility.  If, however, you feel like your child needs more structured homework or repetition of things learned in class (spelling words, multiplication facts, etc) there are many excellent workbooks out there that you can purchase.  Go to your local teacher’s store and they will be able to recommend a good book.  There are also lots of websites where your children can play educational games or you can download worksheets. DON’T ask your teacher to generate more homework for your child.  I once had a parent buy a workbook and then ask me to give it to their child because they would only do homework that the teacher assigned.  While I understand that most children (mine included) are not overly enthusiastic when it comes to homework, it is still the parent’s responsibility to make them do it.

Your child makes a mistake on their homework:
This is a great question to ask the teacher on curriculum night.  I personally feel that most parents cannot bear to let work be returned that is incorrect and therefore usually help their children correct it.  For this very reason, I never include homework in the assessment process.  Feel free to help your child fix their mistakes, as long as they are learning from those mistakes.  If your child’s teacher asks you specifically not to correct homework, then please don’t – this will help the teacher assess in which areas your child may need help.

Please share your comments below and send me an email with your ideas or questions.

Sue

Sue, urbanmoms.ca's Education Expert, is a mother of 3 and a teacher for more than 10 years. Her experience in the classroom and as a mother provide a great perspective to help teachers and parents open up the lines of communication. Sue will be a regular contributor to the Urban Parents section of urbanmoms.ca.

Ask the Parenting Coach - Dealing with Public Tantrums

Q:  Last week when I was grocery shopping, my 2-year-old son grabbed a bag of Smarties off the shelf and put it in the shopping cart.  I am very strict about keeping junk food out of our diets and candies like this are not even offered to our children.  I told him “No, we don’t eat that kind of food.  Let’s put it back.”  However, he got really upset with me, burst into tears and started screaming at the top of his lungs.  I was horribly embarrassed, and tried to stop him from having this meltdown.  Nothing seemed to work.  Do you have any suggestions what to do in this sort of situation? - Naomi, mother of three boys
 

A:  There is a very good chance that your son was attracted to the colours on the package and may not have even known what he was putting into the basket.  The fact that you do not allow junk food in your home is terrific, however your comment “we don’t eat that kind of food” probably fell on deaf ears at that point in time.  Children at this age have a difficult time controlling their impulses.  What that means is that if they spot something they want, they simply go for it, regardless of the rules.

Grocery shopping for kids is not fun.  At this age, children need a lot of stimulation because they get bored very quickly.  They also have short attention spans.  If you must take your little one out with you (and many mothers are in this position) try some pre-planning with the intention of anticipating your child’s needs.

Keep the outing short.  Try to keep your shopping as short as possible.  Make a shopping list of the items you need, and move purposefully up and down the aisles. 

Give him something to do so it’s more fun.  Keeping your child occupied is important in stretching his attention span.  Give him a coloured marker (a water soluble one) which he can use to cross items off the shopping list.

Let him purchase something for himself.  Allow your son to buy an item of his own choosing.  Decide ahead of time what that item will be.  Should he spot something on the shelves that he wants, remind him of your agreement as to what he COULD buy. 

Make the shopping spree a game.  Make a bit of a fuss about finding his item… almost like it’s a game.  Also, as you go up and down the aisles, engage him in conversation and ask him “Do you think we’ll find the cheese (or whatever his choice was) on this aisle?”  In fact, you may even leave ‘finding’ his choice near the end (but not completely at the end) of your shopping. That way you can  stretch his interest a little longer. Be careful not to make the game too long, or this technique could backfire on you.

Play “I Spy”.  To keep his attention going, play a modified version of “I Spy”.  As you are about to go down a new aisle, say “I wonder if you can spot a box with yellow on the front?”  If he doesn’t know his colours yet, then simplify it with a shape (round, square, tall, thin).  Or, you can vary the game by saying, “I wonder which one of us will be the first to spot the oranges, (eggs, Cheerios, etc.)”  And make sure he wins, at least most of the time.

Be careful when saying NO.  At this age, your child is just beginning to assert his independence.  If you child impulsively grabs an item off the shelf, avoid saying NO for this word could be what signals the meltdown. Instead, offer him something else as an option.  Say something like, “You can’t have Smarties, but you can have a granola bar.”  Put stress in your voice around what he CAN have.

If all these fail…there is little else you can do in the middle of a public place like a store or shopping mall.  You can take your cart to the cashier and ask her to keep an eye on it for you, while you take your son out of the store to calm him.  Let the cashier know that it may take you 15 minutes or so, depending on your child.  Then take your son to a quiet place, such as your car or a spot outside the store where you are out of other shoppers’ earshot, and give your child time to calm down.  Say something like, “I can see you’re very upset with me right now.  You need to calm down.  I will wait until you’re calm.  When you’ve calmed down come and tap me on the leg, and we’ll pay for the groceries.”  Then you need to wait it out, and give your child a chance to collect himself.   Do not keep asking him if he is calm, but simply wait and observe him.  If he has calmed down but forgets to tap you on the leg, simply say “Are you ready?”  AND acknowledge him.  This is important.  Say, “Thank you for letting me know that you are ready” or “Thank you for calming down and letting me know that we can go back and pay for our groceries.”

And if that doesn’t work…If none of these methods work and it really is a case of your child being over-tired, then it’s important that you listen to the message behind the temper tantrum.  Since a two-year-old can’t articulate what he’s feeling he may just be telling you in his own way that he’s had it, is exhausted and wants to go home. Remain calm, finish as quickly as you can, get over your embarrassment and go home. Tomorrow is another day.

Terry Carson, M.Ed. is a Parent Coach and a mother of four children, who understands the demands and challenges facing today’s urban mom.  As Canada’s first licensed Coach-Parenting ™ Coach, her goal is to make parenting easier, more fulfilling and less stressful. She coaches clients on a one-on-one basis or through her Parent Coaching on Wheels workshops and is a regular contributor to urbanmoms.ca Urban Parents section. Please send Terry questions by email or through her website.

 

This Too Shall Pass

This post and the accompanying picture have been contributed by a fellow urban mom and urbanmoms.ca member.

A friend commented recently that I seemed remarkably calm in the midst of what is now my hurricane-like family. Adding a new baby to our household, which already included very busy six- and four-year old boys, could have sent me over the edge, but it hasn’t. I’ve spent the last few days trying to figure out what has kept me calmer through this baby’s first few months of infancy, hoping that any insight gleaned might help other new moms.

I think what has made me a calmer and less anxious mother this time around is the perspective of having been through this twice already and having seen how fast six years passes.

When my eldest was five weeks old, he fell out of his stroller and landed on the cement (another lesson I can pass on…those seat belts in strollers are important!). I spent the drive down to the doctor’s office in tears. By the time I got there I was semi-hysterical and I told the doctor “I don’t think I can do this”. I’d spent five weeks obsessing over my son’s every feeding, sleep, bowel movement and spit-up and I’d had it. Mothering was way too much work.

Six years later, Liam has survived that fall and many others. Looking back, I realize that when I was timing those midnight feedings (with a stopwatch!) I was missing out on hours that I could have spent enjoying my newborn and remarking on what a miracle he was.

Six years have flown by. No amount of worry about when my boys would walk or talk would have changed the outcome. I have two amazing, strong boys who can walk, run, play soccer and hockey. I have incredible boys who can tell imaginative stories and have to be told to quit talking and do a little eating at every meal.

I spent a lot of time researching, reading and talking to other moms about when to start giving rice cereal, vegetables, and fruit. I followed the same schedule with each of my sons, and now I have one son who is willing to try any food I set in front of him and loves his vegetables. I have another who considers french fries and cucumber the only acceptable vegetables and refuses to eat anything new. The obsessing on my part didn’t affect either outcome.

Perspective shows me not to obsess over the details, but to try to look at the big picture. Recently the baby has developed a nasty habit of waking frequently for little feeds from about 3am on. I feel confident that this is just a phase and that I won’t be a walking zombie forever, and I’m trying to spend those frequent feedings enjoying my baby and remarking on this latest miracle.

Jennifer lives in Toronto and is the mother of 2 boys and recently added a little girl.  She is currently on maternity leave and an active member of urbanmoms.ca.  If you or anyone you know would like to contribute an article or story to urbanmoms.ca, please send us an email.