Carrot Cake And My Aching Heart

Remember a few weeks ago when I wrote about the bread catching on fire inside of our elderly, avocado-coloured toaster? That was fun. Look what Cuisinart sent me!

Now my house won't burn down. AWESOME.

And WHAT am I toasting inside that fantastically retro-looking toaster? What epicurean delight awaits me?

Pop Tarts. Ha.

So we didn't do anything VERY fancy for Easter supper last night - we had a family dinner with my parents and my two brothers and my sister-in-law the night before, with my kids the sole, doted-upon kids at the party, and that was really enough. It really makes me respect the appetites of people back in the era of several-day-long feasting, because all it takes NOW is one big meal and I'm pretty much set for a week, but I'm a frail modern person and obviously lack the admirable stomach of olden times. I DID exert myself enough to make a VERY GOOD carrot cake - gluten-free! - with a thick cream cheese icing and it turned out (have I mentioned this already?) to be completely tasty, so I was rather pleased.

Things like carrot cake work quite well in gluten-free cooking, because the moisture in the carrot/pineapple/applesauce mixture works on the often-off putting texture of the gluten-free flours. It felt quite triumphant to make a gluten-free cake that is practically indistinguishable from a regular one, which might feel like a minor thing to you but it's a HUGE deal when your child has food issues. The Baby DOES have a limited diet and ordinary life is fraught with these hidden dangers for her and it sucks, frankly. Yes, there are many, MANY worse things in the world, but she's just a very little kid and she has trouble eating in restaurants, she can't eat the candy handed out in church on Easter Sunday, can't eat her friend's birthday cake - and she NOTICES and feels heart-breakingly left out. My poor little girl.

So now she can have carrot cake. Too bad carrot cake isn't a real preschool favorite, but it's progress. Which brings us back, oddly enough, to the Pop Tart hanging out listlessly at the start of this post. "I want THOSE," The Baby said, pointing at the commercial for Pop Tarts on the television. "Yes, Pop Tarts for me."
"They've got gluten in them," I said, probably not even looking up from my magazine, "You can't eat them, remember?"
She was quiet for a few minutes and then I heard a sad little sniffling noise and looked up to see that the poor little girl was just sitting there and crying quietly, all of these things that she just could never have too heavy on her little shoulders.

So this week, I'm going to attempt to make homemade gluten-free Pop Tarts, which is just insane, really. I have some gluten-free pastry mix and I'm going to roll it out and fill it with jam and squiggle some icing on the top, the real Pop Tarts here for sculptural comparison purposes. It's the best I can do for my kid, this effort which is both more then enough and never enough, this constant work which we all must do to keep life from breaking our children's hearts too early.

Comments

[Mindy]

I found this pop tart recipe on celiac.com

http://www.celiac.com/articles/768/1/Pop-Tarts-Gluten-Free/Page1.html

[Mindy]

I found this pop tart recipe on celiac.com

http://www.celiac.com/articles/768/1/Pop-Tarts-Gluten-Free/Page1.html

[Marta]

Nice new appliance!! Have fun with it! And your little girl will be just fine with you as her mom!!

[Michelle]

If you keep setting appliances on fire maybe you'll get a whole kitchen's worth of new appliances sent to you for free! LOL How neat that cusinart sent you that toaster!

If anyone can accomplish gluten-free pop tarts, I bet you can!

[Elizabeth]

She is so lucky to have a mom like you! I can't wait to hear how they work out. Can gluten-free Poptarts even pop?

[janet]

Poor Baby. I kind of love how you go to the ends of the earth (or kitchen) to give her food like everyone else's.

[lisa b]

oh you just broke my heart. I am going to scour toronto for gluten free pop-tarts .

[edj]

mmm...I LOVE carrot cake!! And I love your new toaster.

Elliot had a friend who was gluten-sensitive. I remember her coming to his 4th birthday party with a rice-krispie treat in her hand, that she ate quite happily while everyone else had chocolate cake. I felt terrible for her but she seemed quite resigned; at least outwardly, with non family members.

Is there any chance the Baby will outgrow this? E's friend did. And pop-tarts are gross--I bet your homemade ones will be TONS better than kelloggs. My kids won't eat them. They are truly vile--made of cardboard, jam-coloured sugar and glue.

[Jennifer, Snapshot]

Oh gosh it sounds so good. I love carrot cake and cream cheese frosting. I just had a carrot and walnut muffin at Panera and it was great. I don't know why I hadn't had it before.

Hey Cuisinart, my toaster is about to catch on fire as well. I'm not quite as powerful or influential as Beck, but I do need a new toaster.

And the melancholy that you mentioned at your blog is so hopefully balanced with the sacrifices of a great mom that I'll choose hope as my emotion of choice (along with the salivating).

[bren j.]

Let us know how the poptarts turn out. We made our own once and they were AWFUL. (Thank you very much, Alton Brown.)

New kitchen appliances are always nice....I wonder if Cuisinart makes a good snowblower??

[patois]

While it's sad she's stuck without gluten, it's more than made up by the fact that her mommy is willing and able to make it all better for her.

[Rosebud & Papoosie Girl]

It is impossible for such a wee girl to truly understand why she can't have some things. You are an awesome Mama for trying so hard to make her feel less left out.

That must be the Cadillac of toasters!

[Julie]

Oh out of curiosity.. have you tried the LARABAR? I bought some for a friend who's allergic to wheat (they have them at Costco) and they're quite tasty and ridiculously healthy. If you can't find them I'd be happy to ship them to you. Just thought I'd mention it :)

[Julie]

This post made me all teary both because I was sad for The Baby and because I was inspired by how much you love her and the lengths you go to help her feel normal.

I won't confess about tearing up with envy over your new toaster though because that's just selfish and wrong.

[Yamile]

It's so hard for little kids with food allergies AND their parents!!!! My little 3-year-old guy has several food allergies. They're not very severe, but there's a ton of things that make him break out horribly: wheat, sugar, chocolate, etc. My own mother doesn't understand that he really gets sick if he eats brownies, so the other day at her house I saw him eating some very rich brownies. I took it away from him; he cried, of course; and to my horror, my mother cries, because I "have him on a diet." Yeah, that's just what both my baby and I needed...if that's the support you get from family, what can you expect from the rest of the world?
And yes, you're such an awesome mother. You're an inspiration. thanks for sharing this recipe! It looks so yummy!

[Minnesotamom]

My mother has Celiac. It really is so hard, isn't it? She can't enjoy church pot-lucks, can't go out to eat with her friends, can't get a snack at basketball games (which she attends regularly), and often, family member still forget that she has it and make food at holidays that she can't eat. It sucks.

[Minnesotamom]

Hey, I just posted an ode to Pop Tarts today...coincidence? I think NOT!

[morning]

It's difficult even being a grown-up diabetic and coping with the fact that there are things I shouldn't eat while everyone else is filling their faces and licking their lips. Gosh it must be hard being a little kid and missing out. Poor baby. The cake looks delicious, though.

[Jennifer]

"this effort which is both more then enough and never enough..."

You read my thoughts here lately.

[Sister Sassy]

Aw, poor girlie. Good mommy making her special cake. I too make carrot cake, it wasn't nearly as pretty as yours though :(

[Omaha Mama]

Good for you. Homemade pop tarts, you are one smart mommy. Could you carefully open the real pop tarts, slide in the one you made and let the baby eat it from that. Packaged foods make children happy, so happy.
:-)

[Angeline]

The carrot cake in singapore is so different, although bearing the same name. Ours is really oily, nothing like a cake and definitely nothing like yours.

Yours looks wonderful. Yumm!

[chelle]

mmm My grandma makes the best carrot cake like ever.

That is one fine looking toaster!

[Aliki]

You will be a miracle goddess if you can make those pop-tarts and, you know, I just bet you can do it!!!

Poor girl...and that cake--it looks perfect!

[bubandpie]

Oh, you made me cry.

[Adventures In Babywearing]

I hope those work out, and just imagine if you do master your own Pop Tart! I love carrot cake... and was so happy to have an absolutely delicious recipe from Vegan With A Vengeance! Not the easiest cake for food allergies!

Steph

[Cristan]

Poor Baby, the saddest part was the quiet crying: not the loud wailing that signifies "life isn't fair" that's present quite often at my house.

[Kyla]

You are SUCH a good mama, always looking out for that Baby of yours. She's lucky to have you.

[Becky]

And that cake is awesome. I'd love to eat some with you. I'll bring the tea.

[Becky]

That Baby makes me cry. She is so endearing in her special needy little self. I love her I think. And I want to invent all kinds of wonderful Baby-loving goodness for her to eat safely.

Great looking toaster by the way. You Cuisinart-loving lucky cook, you!

[JenKneeBee]

Wow! That cake looks fantastically delicious and I can't belive you are actually going to try and make homemade pop tarts. You're amazing. Good luck!

[Nowheymama]

Alton Brown did a homemade Pop Tart recipe in a Good Eats episode about hand pies. Not GF, of course, but it might give you some pointers.

[Mary Beth]

Oh the poor baby. That is a heavy load for such tiny shoulders! How cool are you, making her her very own.

[Susanne]

I nominate you Mom of the Year for even attempting to take that on for your Baby. I hope you discover that it will be quite easy and yummy for her!

[Pieces]

Another shiny new kitchen appliance! Jealousy!

I think the poptarts sound fantastic. And imagine how much better they will taste than the real thing! I ate so many poptarts when I was pregnant with Boykiddo that I'll never be able to face another one.

[christine]

oh beck, you are so sweet to make her those gluten free pop tarts.

[nomotherearth]

Being gluten free is HARD. Did you post the recipe for the carrot cake? I'm going to check it out, because I've yet to find a good gluten free cake.

[Tracy]

Homemade Pop Tarts? I feel a Mother of the Year award coming on. Oh please, if you succeed, share the recipe. They have to be better for you than those horrid store bought things that I find so appetizing!

[Kathryn]

Aww, poor baby. That is rough. It is hard to be different from other kids. Especially when food is such a part of a "party" atmosphere, and you feel like you are being left out. Poor girl. :(
You are a fab mommy, taking such good care of her. And soon those preschoolers will LOVE carrot cake. It is one of my boys' favs!
Good luck with the pop tarts! You are brave!

[badness jones]

Your poor baby. And homemade pop-tarts? How awesome are you, mommy?!

[Soul Fusion]

Sometimes there are poptarts in the vending machine at work. I have no idea why they are so tempting. Perhaps nostalgia for all those college days when I ate them on the run (rarely toasted).
I will be uber-impressed if you pull off the gluten free version. But if anyone can do it- I believe that person is you. Good luck!!

[Sister Honey Bunch]

I love carrot cake so much it would make me cry like a baby. And I didn't get any this weekend.