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Oprah yo-yos up. again.

Oprah is queen of a lot of things. and yo-yo'ing with her weight seems to be at the top of her list. it's always being discussed. when she's thin. when she's not so thin. her diets. her trainers. her chefs. her emotional eating. This January, she's opening up. The cover of O Magazine will show side-by-side photos of Oprah in January of 2005, when she weight 160 pounds and a photo of her now, at 200.

She says she's fallen off the wagon AGAIN and went as far as to write: “I didn’t just fall of the wagon. I let the wagon fall on me.” Her weight and height put her body mass index at 31.8, which is obese, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.She confessed she's gained 60 pounds in 2 years because of a thyroid problem that made her scared to work out.

She goes on to say, "I'm mad at myself. I'm embarrassed. I can't believe that after all these years, all the things I know how to do, I'm still talking about my weight. I look at my thinner self and think, 'How did I let this happen again?'"

She told a source that she has yet to choose a gown for President-elect Barack Obama's inaugural ball next month. "I had a dress on the vision board, but I'm not sure that's gonna fit," Winfrey said. "So I have to work on something else."

this is what the kids like to call schadenfreude...

Debbie Matenopoulos, the host of E!'s Daily 10, is getting divorced. in Hollywood these days, divorce isn't all that exciting, and certainly isn't all that newsworthy. but this one? oh, this one is interesting.

get this. Poor Debbie? found out she was getting divorced from the internet.

she says,

“I am extremely saddened by the dissolution of my seven-year relationship with my husband,” the host of E!’s Daily 10 tells People.

Jay Faires, a music executive, filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences, according to Los Angeles court papers filed Wednesday. Faires, who wed Matenopoulos, 33, in July 2003 and separated from her in March 2008, is requesting that the court not award Matenopoulos spousal support.

“I am not a proponent of divorce and I believe in working things out,” says Matenopoulos, a two-time Emmy nominee and former co-host of The View. “So you can only imagine my extreme sadness and disillusionment when I was informed of my husband’s divorce proceedings, much like you were, by reading them online.”

yikes. talk about a communication problem!!

get thee to a baby gap!

seriously...does James Wilkie Broderick ever wear anything other than, erm, pajamas??!?!

SERIOUSLY?!?!??!

using the men's room

so...the ladies' was taken...

at least she wore SHOES...unlike some celebs that we know..

another reason i love Dane Cook...

the man who rants about the BK lounge and the Jelly gives me another reason to love him today.

this is the poster for Dane Cook's new Movie, My Best Friend's Girl.

and this is Dane's rant...about why he hates this poster...

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Dear Diary

Before the downpour let me just say that my new movie, "My Best Friends Girl," is the best/funniest film I've done yet. It's got a terrific cast. Kate Hudson, Alec Baldwin, Jason Biggs, and myself really kicked the funny around. This movie showcases our talents accordingly as it expands on them. It's a fun R-rated flick. An edgy comedy with a dash of romance.

That being said, let me address the fact that although I'm not a marketing major, I have a bit of a trusted reputation after 18 years self promoting. I'd like to inform you I had no say in this marketing campaign, but if I did, things would be different since it is obvious that this poster is boring / odd and has zero to do with the movie I performed in.

Here are a few things that truly blow about my upcoming movie poster to promote the release of the film opening on September 19th:

1. Graphics: Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with 3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using "You Suck at Photoshop" templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.

2. My head: The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears' vagina.

3. The Stare: My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudsons hair. Kate's mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half stunned, half corsage.

4. Lips: It looks like I'm wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My characters name is now Winter Solstice and I'm a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!

5. Fashion: My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It's going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I'm also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.

6. Flesh: It's no secret that I'm more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I've got perfect porcelain flesh. I look like the fuckin' bathroom floor at Caesars Palace. One of Marie Osmond's dolls would look at me and say "shit … that guys got flawless skin!"

7. Hair: It's actually a close up shot of Tom Sellecks Magnum P.I. mustache they photo-slapped on my noggin'.

8. The set: Pick one. This entire film takes place:

A. on Gattaca
B. at the Fortress of Solitude
C. inside a crystal wind chime

9. The cast: Alec Baldwin is so fucking funny in this movie! Is he on the poster? I think so. He plays the wise talking plant Jason is clutching.

10. Final thoughts: I set out to make a movie like the contemporary men and women, that you and I respect, are making. My generation of comedians, actors, directors and producers that I wish to collaborate with as I build a solid body of work.

Granted, one poster stinking up the joint isn't the end of the world. Yet it sends the wrong message about our movie and I just wanted you to know, that I feel the pain. I really love the film and I know from past missteps marketing wise that the wrong poster sends the wrong audience into the theater.

Thanks again for all of your support. If you have not seen the red band trailer (which is excellent and represents the flick accordingly) watch it below! Just click of the mute button and your rolling!

PS - "Its funny what love can make you do." I just threw up all over this awful poster.
Wow, wait … it looks better.