Ask urbanmoms - Community Parenting Blog for Moms

Why Marathons?

On Sunday November 2nd, I will be competing in the New York City Marathon.  I’ve run NYC once before in 2004.  This will be my 8th marathon since the birth of my third son…an average of one marathon a year.

Lately, several people have asked me “Are you crazy?  Why would anyone ever want to run a marathon?”  Sometimes I ask myself the same question! Particularly when I have to get up out of my warm bed to run!

Oddly though, once I am up and out I really love it.  Why do I run marathons?
1.    Because I can.
2.    Running reminds me I am alive.
3.    It forces me to challenge myself.
4.    I get a huge feeling of accomplishment.
5.    To set a personal goal and achieve it.
6.    Running is solitary – I enjoy being alone.
7.    Running is social – I enjoy being with friends.
8.    There is opportunity for travel…there are marathons all over the world.
9.    Awesome endorphin rush.
10.    Running marathons sets me apart – I feel unique.
11.    There is nothing like the feeling of completing a marathon: a sense that you can accomplish anything.
12.    Running is cheaper than therapy.  I work through my personal problems.  (And there are a lot of them!)
13.    Mental toughness…can I do it?
14.    The incredible feelings of elation, joy and euphoria.  Combined with the feeling of serenity after a run.
15.    Running gives my life more balance.
16.    It increases my self-confidence.
17.    A 16 week training program gives each week structure & routine.
18.    When I don’t run, I miss it.
19.    No matter how busy I am, I always manage to find time to run.  The busier I am, the more I get done.
20.    And oh yeah, it’s great exercise!

I stayed home with my kids.  I was lucky to have the choice.  But it was harder than I thought it would be.  I had little time for myself and I was just someone’s mom or someone’s wife. I guess I sort of lost myself.  Running gave me back myself.  It was convenient, inexpensive and I didn’t need to join a gym to get back into shape.  Running helped me re-charge my batteries.  It gave me more energy and more patience with my kids.  It made me a better parent.

I’m not suggesting marathons are for everyone…or running for that matter.  But it is important not to lose yourself in your kids…not to define yourself solely as a mom.  Being a parent is a wonderful part of who you are but it’s not everything.  Get out there, move your body and reap the benefits of regular cardiovascular exercise.  You’ll look better and more importantly, you’ll feel better for it.  A balanced life makes for a happier person.  And isn’t that what life’s all about?

Happy trails!

Disclaimer
The way to optimal health is to combine good sensible nutrition with consistent strength training and cardiovascular exercise.  Consult with a physician before embarking on a new exercise plan.  Stop immediately if you feel any pain while doing these exercises.

Bye-Bye Back Fat!

One of the most common questions I get as a personal trainer is “how do I get rid of this?” or “how can I make this smaller?” Typically, my answer to these questions is that you can’t spot reduce.  The most problem areas seem to be the back of the arms and the core.  Lately though, I have had several clients ask how they can get rid of back fat.  Specifically, the area of the back where the skin bulges out from underneath the bra.  Yuck!

Why should we work the back?  Strengthening the back helps improve posture by bringing the shoulders back.  Having a strong back helps prevent injury – particularly the lower back.  And there is nothing more attractive than a strong, toned back.

There are 3 components involved in achieving a tight strong body.  They are: proper nutrition (a slight calorie deficit) and consistent cardio and resistance training.  You can exercise like crazy but will not see the benefits of all your hard work if you ignore your nutrition.  You may have strong toned muscles but if they are all covered up with layers of body fat, you’ll never see them.  Once you have all 3 components working together, only then will you be able to actually see your muscles.

Here are 3 simple exercises that target the major muscles of the back.  You can do these at home and only need a set of dumbbells.

1. Latissimus dorsi (“lats”). The lats are the largest muscle in the back and cover the upper and middle portion of the back.  When properly developed, your lats actually make your waist look smaller!  The lats move the arm downward toward the spine.

Exercise:  Single-arm row.  Place left hand and left knee on chair with back flat and head in line with spine.  Hold dumbbell in right hand and dangle arm down in line with shoulder.  Palm faces inward, elbow relaxed.  Keep elbow close to side. Pull shoulder blade toward spine as you pull up dumbbell, bringing upper arm parallel to floor.  Keep elbow up and keep torso still.  Don’t rotate shoulders. Pull from back muscles, not biceps.  Slowly return to starting position and let shoulder blade slide forward.  Repeat other arm. 

2. Rhomboids. The rhomboids are in the upper back and function to pull the shoulder blades down and back.

Exercise: Bent-over row.  Stand with feet shoulder width apart, knees soft.  Hold a dumbbell in each hand, lean forward at the hips at a 45 degree angle.  Let arms dangle down and keep shoulder blades together. Pull dumbbells up toward sides until upper arm is parallel to the floor. Squeeze shoulder blades together as you pull weights up to the contracted position.  Slowly lower arms.  Repeat.

3. Erector spinae (lower back).  Along with the abdominals, these muscles act as stabilizers to keep the spine erect in almost all training movements.  Working this part of the body is critical in preventing injury.

Exercise: Superwoman.  No dumbbells required!  Lay on tummy with arms extended above head.  Forehead stays on mat at all times.  Lift right arm and left leg slightly off mat at same time and hold for count of 3.  Repeat with left arm/right leg.

Trainer tips: Exhale as you lift weights up and inhale as you return to starting position. Start with light weights.  Do 2 sets, 10-12 reps of each exercise twice/week.

Whether wearing a bathing suit in the last days of summer or simply bending over to pick up your kids or your groceries, you will reap the rewards of a having a strong back. And no better time than the present to move your body and improve your health.  Enjoy!

Susan Higgins is a Certified Personal Trainer based in Toronto, and is the Ask urbanmoms Fitness Expert. You can read her features monthly here in Ask urbanmoms. Got a question for Susan? Post it in the comments below and she'll address it in a future post.

Disclaimer
The way to optimal health is to combine good sensible nutrition with consistent strength training and cardiovascular exercise.  Consult with a physician before embarking on a new exercise plan.  Stop immediately if you feel any pain while doing these exercises.

Staying Positive

Happy New Year!  As the resident “fitness expert” at urbanmoms.ca, I have decided this year to focus more on writing about my life as a newly single mom and relate that to wellness rather than focusing solely on exercises.  Writing this blog has really helped me to heal and the support I have received has been overwhelming…thank you. 

I used to worry a lot about how my relationships were going to change when we separated.  I’ve known my husband’s family for over 30 years.   They are so much a part of my life now - I couldn’t imagine life without them.  So not only did they show up at my place for Christmas but they were beyond wonderful.  My ex-husband’s sister bought 4 plane tickets for me and the boys to fly to LA to visit them over New Years.  They knew Christmas was going to be tough for the kids and they wanted to usher in 2008 on a high note.  They dragged us to Disneyland, Malibu beach (where they filmed Baywatch!) and treated us like royalty.

Christmas helped me realize that I will always have a relationship with my in-laws - that no matter what, they still love me and the boys.  I worried myself sick wondering if I would lose them too but those fears have been put to rest.  That was the best gift ever.

Lately, my best days are the ones where I wake up in the morning and tell myself its going to be a good day.  My worst days are those days I feel sorry for myself (and I have my fair share of those).  But when I put out positive energy, I always seem to get it back.

Checklist

1. Accept help from others.  Admit you can’t do it all and let others help you.  It makes people feel good.

2. Schedule time for yourself. Whether it’s first thing in the morning or right before bed, you must make the time to reflect. Our lives are so busy with activities and responsibilities, it’s easy to forget about ourselves.

3. Be fully present.  Make the most of each day.

4. Cherish your friendships.

5. Love your kids.

6. Eat healthy foods.  Do cardio. Weight train.

7. Read.

8. Think about how lucky you are.  There will always be people with more than you…but you cannot buy self-esteem…or good health.

9. Feel sexy.  We may be mothers but we are still women!

10. Accept yourself – the good and the bad.  If you don’t love yourself, you are no good to anyone else.

I struggle everyday to stay positive.  It’s not always easy.  But the more I do it, the easier it becomes. As a personal trainer, I fixate on the physical.  As I get older, I realize that total wellness is the whole picture:  physical AND emotional well being. 

Since our thoughts control our emotions, our thoughts are powerful.  Starting the day with positive thoughts enhances the quality of our lives…and as a result, makes us happier, healthier people.  So set aside at least a few minutes each morning to contemplate the kind of day you want to have.  Try it – it works.

I am a personal trainer.  But first and foremost, I am a mom.  As scary as it is right now, I have hope that the future will be brighter for the four of us. And hopefully the good days will start to outnumber the bad ones. 

Be good to yourselves.

Disclaimer
The way to optimal health is to combine good sensible nutrition with consistent strength training and cardiovascular exercise.  Consult with a physician before embarking on a new exercise plan.  Stop immediately if you feel any pain while doing these exercises.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

I have learned a lot about myself in the last few months.  Some of it good.  Some of it not so good.  Some of it downright ugly.  I have been a single mom for about 5 months now.  Just to let you know, I survived Thanksgiving intact.  And I survived my son’s 8th birthday intact (the first birthday party I’ve thrown alone.)

The best way to describe the past few months is that I have good days and bad days - just like before “the thing” (as my kids call it).  But the difference is that my good days are better than good.  They are euphoric.  I feel on top of the world.  I feel invincible and that I can do anything.  The bad days though are pretty awful.  I am filled with anxiety and fear about the future.  Debilitating fear.  I question whether I can do it on my own with 3 boys.  I worry that I have damaged my kids forever.

I know that the one thing you can always count on is that life always changes.  Nothing stays the same.  I also know that no matter how bad you think you’ve got it, there are always people out there who are suffering worse than you.  Everyone has problems.

One comment sent in response to my last post really stuck with me.  One woman wrote that she secretly resented me because she thought I had a perfect life. After I stopped laughing, I had to admit to myself that sometimes I think that way about other people.  But I can honestly say that I have never met anyone who has a perfect life. And how un-interesting would it be to be perfect?

My favourite people are those who have the ability to laugh at their imperfections.  And that stems from confidence.  Nothing is more attractive than confidence. 

As I forge ahead in this new chapter of life, I’d like to share some of the things that I have discovered about myself in the past 5 months.

The Good
I love to run.  I realize now the importance of a positive psyche.  Emotional health is as important as physical health and the two things are intertwined.  Running for me has always been about time alone.  It’s when I re-charge my batteries.

I have a wicked sense of humour.  Thank goodness.  Now if I can just convince my kids that I can be a fun parent too, like their other one…

I finally get that I am solely responsible for my own happiness.  This is huge.

The Bad
I can be a martyr.  And that’s not a good thing.  I am learning how to ask for help and how to accept support. 

I have guilt.  It is difficult sometimes to take enough time for myself.  Why?

The Ugly
I am mortal.  I expect an awful lot from myself.  Too much.  I can’t accomplish as much as before.  I just don’t have enough time to do all of the things I want to do.  I need to accept my new normal and alter my expectations.

The Answer
Schedule fun.  Whatever happened to those times when you’d laugh so hard you’d pee your pants?  Since I have been on my own, everything feels so serious.  When did life get so hard?  I miss those days of carefree, spontaneous fun. Just as we schedule time to exercise, why can’t we schedule some time for fun?

I am a personal trainer.  But first and foremost, I am a mom.  As scary as it is right now, I have hope that the future will be brighter for the four of us. And hopefully the good days will start to outnumber the bad ones. 

Be good to yourselves.

Disclaimer
The way to optimal health is to combine good sensible nutrition with consistent strength training and cardiovascular exercise.  Consult with a physician before embarking on a new exercise plan.  Stop immediately if you feel any pain while doing these exercises.

Something's Gotta Give

I totally forgot the deadline for this fitness article.

It is the day after Thanksgiving, I ate too much rich food (my son asked me if I was having a baby?!) and my house looks like it was hit by a tornado after hosting turkey dinner.  Life is busy. And normally, I am on top of things.  I have a thriving personal training business, 3 busy kids and a puppy.  But this summer, my husband and I decided to separate after 17 years of marriage.

And last week, my youngest decided he couldn’t to go to school anymore because something bad was going to happen to me.  Needless to say, it’s been a rough week.

I have been telling clients for years that nobody can do it all.  Now its time to take my own advice.

As mothers and women, we expect an awful lot from ourselves.  We try to be all things to all people.  But I realize now that there are limits.  I can only do so much.  I have to ask for help when I need it.  I have to admit to myself that I just don’t have enough time to do the things I used to be able to do.  There are not enough hours in the day to do everything on my “list”. This has been a hard pill for me to swallow.

So I have been doing the basics.  I guess you could say I’ve been in survival mode.  What was once in the “need” column is now in the “want” column.  But through it all, I’ve had some clarity as to what is truly important in my life: my boys, our health and friends & family.  Everything else is secondary.

I am so lucky to have the most incredible friends.  I have also had the good fortune to work with some incredible women over the years.  They are clients but they too are my friends.  They remind me that it’s okay to drop the ball once in a while. That it’s important to poke fun at ourselves.  After all, we are only human.

So take some time from your busy schedules to reflect on the things that are important in your life.  Simplify.  And allow yourselves to be human.  Focus on your health.  And not just your physical health.  Emotional well-being is just as important.  Try to get lots of sleep, get a massage, read a book, surround yourself with positive people and above all else, forgive yourself.  Don’t panic if you don’t get everything done on your “list”. Sometimes the things we think are important, really don’t matter all that much. 

I am a personal trainer.  But first and foremost, I am a Mom.  Just a Mom trying to hold it all together.  A Mom trying not to miss any more deadlines.

Happy trails!

Disclaimer
The way to optimal health is to combine good sensible nutrition with consistent strength training and cardiovascular exercise.  Consult with a physician before embarking on a new exercise plan.  Stop immediately if you feel any pain while doing these exercises.